Tip #5. Ask Why Kids Pick on Others

I'm Dr. Myrna Shure from Drexel University with today's parenting tip, brought to you by the New Jersey Governor's Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention Committee.

Your 11-year-old is whining because a classmate keeps calling him names.

You tell him to ignore him, walk away, and tell the teacher. He does those things, but walks away feeling sad, frustrated, and angry.

What can you do now? Ask:

• Why do you think your classmate needs to do that? Why else?
• How do you think he might be feeling inside?
• How do you feel when someone teases you?
• What can you do or say when someone does that?

Terry, age 11, found out that his classmate's parents recently divorced, his mother lives in another state with his brother and he doesn't get along well with his stepmother.

This insight helped Terry feel differently about the boy, and next time he called him a name, Terry disarmed him by saying, "Let's be friends. I'll teach you how to shoot baskets." Today, these boys are best friends.

What a different outcome from simply ignoring him, walking away, or telling the teacher.

I'm Dr. Myrna B. Shure.